Oddity
by Elli Cole
Summary: On Hiatus. Draco was unexpectedly partnered with Hermione in their Potions class and – what’s this? Hermione clinging onto Draco in a very disturbing manner, seducing, and… chocolate?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Oddity

**Author: **Lady Saint – Niah, at your service.

**Rating: **It's R – M. There's canon, ooh, kidding. No, really. Uh, is this smut?

**Genre: **A pathetic attempt at Humor and Romance, some smut on the way but really depends if the bunnies would jump to the plot.

**Summary: **Draco was unexpectedly partnered with Hermione in their Potions class and – what's this? Hermione clinging onto Draco in a very disturbing manner, seducing, and… chocolate?

**Disclaimer: **Everybody knows I don't own a damn thing. Why would I bother, right pretty bunnies?

**Addendum: **Quite OOC. Blame it on too much Miroku / Kagome fics… oh, and hey, there's Sandra E. The title of this fic is from her as well. She's my inspiration.

**A/N: **A major jump from my usual writing. It's more… freestyle than before and I like it. Hope you guys do too.

**&&&&**

**One**

**&&&&**

The fucking weasel deserved to die.

How dare he touch my new – and _expensive –_ coat? Now, it's infected with muggle viruses a-and… worse, he might have been actually _touching _Granger with those _filthy_ and _disgusting _hands.

Not only that, he had been eyeing my new bag pretty enticingly. As if actually yearning to touch, _caress_, my bag with those… Merlin, please stop the continuous _horrid _mental images that are now torturing me with abandon.

I shuddered as I wrote down hurriedly on a piece of parchment as I listened at Professor Snape's babbling on about Polyjuice Potions and… you know what, I don't give a damn.

Damn.

Granger is looking at me. Why the bloody hell is she looking at me like… _that_! It's quite unnerving. Quite disgusting. Quite… ooh, look at that, pretty shirt. Oops, wait. Back to the story at hand.

She's raising a rather bushy – no, wait… oh, yes, it is. – eyebrow at me and shook her head in an annoying gesture. Well, as _entertaining _as it is – with her looking at me like that, it's _not _a very good scene to look at – I should probably turn my head away from her.

Yet I didn't.

Oddly enough, I stood my ground and looked at her as intense as she was doing. A small smirk started to appear on my pale face and is thinking of staying there for quite a while. I realized, this was a rather good hobby.

Even though we were a mile away from each other, I can see her eyelashes flutter in a rather entrancing manner – wait, did I just say that? But anyway, she wouldn't budge. Why?

I glared at her and I noticed her gaze waver. Good, good. Stupid mudblood. You should lose, lose I tell you! I cackled evilly inside my head and I realized, I was _not _thinking quite clearly.

I coughed furiously. What the hell was I thinking? Insanity was taking its toll on my beautiful blond head. I muttered darkly under my breath.

"Bad Draco, no. Shouldn't think of such things. Inane, silly things."

Both of my seatmates that are on my sides looked at me with curious expressions. Pansy, the one on my right, raised a skeptical brow whilst Crabbe, on my right, just picked on his nose.

Ew. Disgusting display of snot picking.

I turned my head to look at a more decent sight; Pansy was grinning at me. I smirked back and pointed her to the direction of Granger's bushy hair. She stifled a giggle.

Why was she giggling? I haven't even told her the joke yet. Such a strange girl, that she is. I rolled my eyes and murmured to her, "I have a theory that Granger likes Weasley… the only problem is that, the weasel likes boys rather than beavers."

She laughed out loud. Much better. I chuckled with her. Professor Snape looked at us strangely but I shrugged it off. I know he wouldn't do anything about us laughing our pretty heads of at class considering… he likes me too much. I snorted and ended up laughing like a hyena.

H-he… g-gay… ew.

Another bad mental image.

I should stop thinking about other guys, I thought with a mental barf. Really, really disturbing thoughts would make me insane – and gay. Ooh, but I would be such a hot gay bloke. Another nasty thought. Think about the women, the babies, the puppies when I turn to the gay side.

Heh.

Mostly the women. I grinned. No objections now, the rather irritating voices inside my head. I hushed. You won't speak until I tell you to. What's the use of so _many _consciences in your mind when you don't even _need _them?

Really, what the hell is their purpose?

I snorted. Oh, crap. Did I just _snort_? Draco Malfoy does not snort! It is beneath me to do such horrible thing. Snorting is for fools; and I am no fool or such.

"Mr. Malfoy?" Snape's voice echoed through the quiet dungeon. "Would you kindly answer my question?"

I looked around curiously and nodded my head in confusion. I stood up. "Certainly, professor though would you repeat the question again so I can analyze it thoroughly?"

Snape looked at him strangely and raised a brow. Really, what is it with raising brows these days? "I only asked if you were feeling well, Draco. It seems you have been spacing out lately." He drawled in his annoying tone. "Would you like to go to Madam Pomfrey?"

"No, I'm fine, professor." I gritted out. "May I take my seat now?"

He bobbed his head, making his greasy hair bounce on his also greasy head. I chuckled mentally as he continued on. Gaylord Professor Snape; I snorted, yet again. I groaned.

Stupid tonsils.

Ugh.

I scanned the room with droopy eyes and dropped at a certain point when I noticed… _her_.

Why is Granger staring at me _again_?

What is it with her and my… gorgeous-ness? Is she too tantalized by my beautiful _everything_? Is she _jealous_? Though, I'm pretty doubtful that she is considering that she has a wonderfully proportioned rack.

Not that I'm looking. Eheh.

Oops, why am I thinking like these? Have I sniffed some dangerous potion or something? I rubbed the back of my neck slowly.

Or maybe… nope, I've just gone insane.

"Stop looking at me, mudblood," I hissed at her. She glared back.

"Sod off, Malfoy." She replied airily. "I wasn't looking at you precisely. Just at your chest." She smirked.

I smirked. "I see, can't resist my charm-filled body?" I said haughtily.

"No," she stifled a giggle. "Just at that parchment."

My eyes widened in curiosity – at least my eyebrows didn't shoot upwards – and looked down at my covered chest.

I am gay. I suck monkey balls.

"What the?" I shouted. I stood up knocking my chair off backwards. The class looked at me as if I had gone crazy – which I have – and snickered at my expense.

"Mr. Malfoy, sit down." Snape said sternly, not finding the situation at all funny. At least he's with me.

Ew.

Nasty thought. Erase that part. He's definitely not with me.

I sat down, fairly humiliated and… I couldn't help it. I laughed.

I fucking laughed.

I suddenly remembered what happened yesterday. Granger falling over on top of the rug with the Slytherin emblem. Her skirt rode upwards to her hips. Students laughing. Teachers smiling, trying their hardest not to laugh out loud. And me – pointing at her grandma knickers.

I chuckled at the thought.

That was why Granger was looking at me. Her lips were moving not that visibly though I noticed her murmuring. She was reciting an incantation. She was getting back at me. Ooh, _feisty_. I'd like a good challenge every now and then.

A payback is in order, Granger, and I promise it'll be good.

**&&&&**

Okay, before you start screaming at me, telling me this was a load of OOC crap, I forewarned you about that already. Now, please, review and tell me what you think.

**Draco: **So many… bad… images… in my head.

**Hermione: **That's what you get in thinking of getting back at me.

**Draco: **Professor… Snape… naked…. Weasley… sucking… (faints)

**Hermione: **Err, Draco? Why are you drooling?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thanks to those who reviewed! Love you guys so much!

**&&&&**

**Two**

**&&&&**

Ooh, interesting.

Look at that, a book about mixed potions and… cough, interesting. Well, as long as it'll humiliate Granger, it might as well be good enough for me.

I grinned as I strutted towards Madame Pince's table and put it down in front of her. She looked at me weirdly and opened the book. She stamped it and closed it shut.

"Well, well, Mr. Malfoy." She said amusedly. "Doing a bit of a research about _love_, are we?"

I grinned back. "Quite, Madam Pince. Quite." I chuckled slightly as I walked away with the book securely in my hand.

_Now, Hermione Granger lets see how you can overcome this._

&&&&

"Hermione!"

Lavender Brown and Parvarti Patil came huffing and puffing, screeching as they stopped in front of her with big grinning faces. They chorused, "Professor Dumbledore is looking for you."

Hermione raised a skeptical brow at them. "What would Professor want with me?"

Parvarti nudged at Lavender slyly. "Oh, I don't know. But Draco Malfoy is there." She fawned. "Ooh, lucky, lucky you."

Lavender sighed wistfully. "The hottest guy… even if he's a bastard, the important thing is that he's _hot_."

"Burning hot," Parvarti added.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Poor, lost children. So naïve, so… stupid." She muttered.

"What, Hermione?" Lavender said. Parvarti grinned like crazy.

Hermione smiled at them. "Nothing."

'Nothing really,' she thought as she walked away towards Professor Snape's office. 'Just that…'

Payback is not yet finished.

&&&&

"… Blah, blah crap."

I couldn't find a single _good_ potion that'll make Granger do whatever I want her to do. All of the potions are _crappy_ love potions. Blasted useless potion book.

And why is Granger taking so long to get here? The two sluts should have told her to hurry up and not make me wait for her for so long.

So freaking long.

And do you know what happens when you make Draco Malfoy wait?

Absolute…

-- Chaos.

I punched an unsuspecting wall. Oops, I never meant to do that. Hee, that's not going to be my problem anyway. I tapped my foot in impatience.

I growled loudly. "Gah, where's that wench?" I murmured darkly. "She better be here before my patience runs out or…"

"—or what?" A voice flooded my ear's senses.

I glared at her.

She freaking cut me off from my wonderful speech!

"Mudblood," I hissed. "What fucking took you so long?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Haven't you overgrown that yet, Malfoy?"

I gritted my teeth. Is she calling me _immature_! How dare she!

I closed my eyes tightly and counted to one to ten. Calm down. Nothing productive happens when anger surges through ones nerves. You should get all your frustrations out when you're having sex.

I grinned. I was tempted to yell out, "Hah! You're just jealous because you're not getting any!" but I shouted out instead, "Oh, bloody hell shut up."

She laughed. "Lost for words? Hah, no come back from you?"

I just glared at her. "I don't have time with your petty arguments. Let's go."

We tranquilly walked side by side as we went towards Professor Dumbledore's office – only, which happens in imaginations and so, we argued.

"Ooh, little pitiful mudblood is feeling blue, is she?" I taunted as we neared the ugly – _very _ugly – gargoyle that keeps on looking at Granger. Very disturbing. I scowled and gave the gargoyle a warning look.

"Sod off, Malfoy," she jeered.

"Lemon drops," I gritted out as we stood before it. It glared at me, although it matters not since it was only a statue. Not that I'm bothered that some _thing_ is leering over Granger… another thing I'm doubtful about. _Why _am I starting to _care _for Granger?

I shook my head in aggravation. And why the hell am I thinking so much? My head will explode if I continue with this kind of train of thoughts.

The gargoyle opened a path as it slid at the other side, revealing a flight of stairs that led inside Professor Dumbledore's office. I let her walk upstairs first before I considering that I was brought up with well manners and was taught to respect women. I grinned.

-- And mainly because I can see up her skirt. I shrugged. Even though my upbringing is sophisticated and aristocratic, I am _still _a bloke.

We reached Professor Nutter – Er, I meant Dumbledore's office in silence. I opened the door for her, earning a weird look from her. I frowned. So much for appreciation these days. I sighed.

"Ah," I heard the Professor's cheery voice ricochet through the walls. "Mr. Malfoy and Ms. Granger, so nice of you to accept my invitation." His eyes still were glittering with his usual glimmer.

Granger nodded her head. "Of course, professor." She said with her annoying know-it-all tone. "What do you need from us?"

I rolled my eyes at her and decided to look around for a bit. I curiously peered through hundreds of antiques and other… weird things. I squinted my eyes at a well-like figure, noticing the images that kept on swirling beneath it's silvery interior.

Professor Dumbledore might have noticed me since he coughed aloud, "That is called a Pensieve, Mr. Malfoy."

I looked at him with a raised brow. "I see, professor. And what exactly does it do?"

The old coot smiled. "It keeps your thoughts inside, a very useful contraption, I must say." He nodded at his table near the center, and ushered us to follow him. "Now, let's start with our plans, shall we?"

Granger and I both nodded our heads and sat down at the chairs that were in the front of his desk. The old coot sat down in front of us and as per usual, still has that irritating glimmer in his eyes.

I just know he's plotting something devious against us.

Like, making us all _friends _or worse, make arranged _marriages_.

I shuddered. Ooh, such awful thoughts. I'm too hot to be in a relationship. I should always be single. I sniggered. One woman is too small of a number. A hundred more would be plenty enough for me. I chuckled mentally.

"Well, if you still didn't know," Dumbledore stated as he clasped his hands together on the table, business-like. "Your seventh year is nearing and I want us to be fully prepared as to what will happen." He paused as he looked at us. "Voldemort is still on the loose and I'm quite sure that you are aware that we're nearing the finale of the Great War."

"But don't let such a thing to ruin your last years since you still have plenty of youth to spend." He chuckled. "If you both are now curious as to why I called you here, it's because I want you to plan a midyear ball."

Granger smiled widely. "Really, professor?"

I scoffed. "Happy much, Granger?" She glared at me.

"Yes, quite so, Malfoy. At least I'm gaining a life not like you." She sneered. Dumblecoot – I mean, Dumbledore downright laughed.

"Now, now, Ms. Granger. No need to start a riot." He said.

"More like no need to be such a snappish bitch." I whispered so that Granger can only be the one to hear it. She scowled at me.

"Now, I'll give you both a month to figure things out and to get along well with each other."

The latter perked both Granger and my ears up. This _was _a plot to make us get _friendly _with each other. I friggin' knew it. I mentally cursed.

The old coot is _insane_!

Granger, surprisingly, didn't say anything and – surprise, _fucking _surprise – neither did I. We bobbed our heads in agreement and stood up hastily.

"Goodbye Professor." Granger murmured and turned away from both the coot and me. She quickly went downstairs leaving me behind. I groaned inwardly.

"Goodbye Professor," I said as I looked at the old wizard. He was looking at me with a creepy grin.

"So long, Mr. Malfoy. Take care of Ms. Granger." He nodded his head at my direction and watched me as I took my book and went outside.

Ugh. How dare he partner me with Granger? And how dare she just stroll out from the conversation? How disrespectful. And how— what the?

Outside Professor Dumbledore's office lay a small-embedded plane that said,

"I, Draco Malfoy, likes big boys. So Pansy Parkinson, now you know the truth… so step back and let the men play."

My eyes widened.

People started to gather.

Laughter resounded in my ears.

Ooh, so cunning of you, Granger. But…

I flicked my wand at the disgusting display and whispered a spell. It vanished in seconds though the laughter didn't.

-- You still have to watch out for _my _revenge for you.

We'll see who has the last laugh.

**&&&&**

**End Note: **Thanks and a big hug to all those who reviewed. Now, give me a new batch to keep me going!

**Draco: **I am so not gay.

**Hermione: **(rolls eyes) No, of course not. You're just homosexual.

**Draco: **Righ-… wait, how dare you imply that I'm of such gender!

**Hermione: **Because you are. (shrugs)

**Draco: **(raises brow) Want to test that theory?

**Hermione: **Well, no… _hnph! _(Ooh, guess what happened.)


End file.
